I used to write...alot. It was mostly sappy love poems or semifictional short stories about every day dilemnas that every day people go through. But then one day I stopped writing. I don't know why I stopped and truth be told I don't know why I'm starting this now..but I figure why not start writing again..start throwing some emotions and feelings back down on paper...well close enough...
I have had alot of twists and turns in my life, and while they may not have been overly dramatic or awe inspiring, they were enough for me to stop and take notice. I guess a good place to start is a subject that every one can relate to fear...I have had 2 major instances of fear in my life. the first one has had a negative impact on my life and the second has definately been a positive.
I was never really good in school...I look back and realize that while I definately don't consider myself stupid, I can say that I completely had no motivation at all to excel in school. I scated by doing the bare minimum. When I graduated from High School and moved on to college, the effects of "real life" became crystal clear..I had picked a major..elementary education and was told by pretty much everyone I knew that it was a perfect choice for me. I remember distinctly in my freshmen year being told by my Religions of the West teacher that as a male elementary school teacher that I better have my door open at all times, the shades up and make my class as accessible to everyone as possible. He told me that I would at some point in my career be charged by some student with some sexual related incident. Now as harrowing and nervy as that is for a professor to tell his student, I feel most if not all people would see that as a challenge and fight and overcome and prove that professor wrong! Me...it SCARED THE HELL OUT OF ME!!! I don't know if it was conscious or unconscious but I took 2 giant steps back from my college education and reverted back to trying to skirt by...I was AFRAID to carry on and graduate and be put in that situation, so I self-sabotaged myself and gave up on college a lttle over 2 years into it. It is a great sense of embarrassment to me and one that I don't think I have talked about all that much if at all to my parents and my family. I deeply regret wasting their money and that time I can never get back. I have spoken on a number of occassions with my wife about going back to school once our own children have grown and left our home....we shall see....
The second case of fear in my life has positively influenced me...this one is a story that most of you who know me are aware of. I was experiecning pain in my chest and put it off for quite some time...I despise doctors and it was the last thing I ever wanted to do. But the pain did not go away, it morphed into dizzy spells and aching and throbing days...so I finally shocked my wife and told her I wanted to see the doctor.
Well I walked in sat down told my physician my symptons, my family history and she having no chart on me at all and not knowing me, turned me around and told me to go to the hospital!!! I remember my wife driving me to St. Lukes in Bethlehem and thinking, really?!?!? What the hell!!! Well we got there and being that I had a "heart" condition was admitted right away. I was given a number of tests and told that I had an irregular heartbeat and was going to be admitted!!! I remember the nurse telling me that they can shock my heart back to a regular beat and thinking to myself...okay this is real!!! AGAIN I WAS AFRAID!!!
Thankfully, it all was okay...the magnitude of tests afterwards including 4 EKG's showed nothing except the fact that I was borderline diabetic, had high cholesterol, and was obese...well this I decided to tackle head on...
I turned to my brother for assistance and he in turn gave me a beginners guide to...running. It quite honestly has saved my life. It started at 1 minute intervals running and I remember the first day on the treadmill, feeling like I was going to die 20 seconds into my 1 minute run. But Ikept at it and boy am Iglad I did...to date I have lost 80 lbs, droped my cholesterol put the diabetes risk in the rearview mirror and look forward to running my first marathon in May 2011!!!
To those that decided to read this, sorry for the long ramblings. But this blog and it's contents are as much for me as they are for whomever decides to read it. I promise going forward to touch on more topics of interest to me and hopefully to some of you. Iwill talk about religion and my recent decision to become vegetarian as well as general ramblings...
So thank you for taking the time to read this and I will end with a final question......WHAT DO YOU FEAR ...AND HOW DO YOU OR WILL YOU OR HAVE YOU HANDLED IT???
eRIC
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